Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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