i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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