He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
