You can't special order awesome
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
