Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
