i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
