I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Houston, we have a blender
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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