Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
