my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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