found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
