All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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