He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
