I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
