I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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