You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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