I swear she didn't look like that last week.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
