i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
