she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
