If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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