Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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