woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
