Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I am spending my child support on dildos
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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