If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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