i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
