When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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