i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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