Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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