I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Semen is not good for contacts.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
