oh god the rape fog is back!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We have started to decorate penises.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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