Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
