Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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