i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
