Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
