mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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