I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
