Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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