Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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