Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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