She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
