Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
