So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
