How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Too much gin, very little bucket
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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