Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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