Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
