Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
