even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
