1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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