i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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