i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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