that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i want to swaddle you in tequila
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
