Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
