I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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