this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
