Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
