I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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