Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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