i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
