Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
