You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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