This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
