Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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