uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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