I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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