WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
