I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
