Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
