So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
