bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
