Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
